Check out

I have to go pick up some cleaning supplies sometime this week at the new local supermarket, and a funny memory popped up… Well, not so new store… They shut down for almost a year *rolls eyes* due to renovations… Passed there earlier today and the only difference to me is we now have to pay for parking! And yes… A bike shed too lol… I digress… Back to my story…

There was a time I wore my pyjamas to go shopping! Crazy, I know… With fluffy slippers and I think a hair bonnet too *covers face*. Guess I ‘got away’ with it back then because I drove to the shops. I’m pretty sure if I had to walk, I would turn up looking like a cover girl straight from the runway. Thank God not long after there was a ban on such outfits to the shops. It was pretty common during school runs to see mums in all sorts of ‘clothes’. They couldn’t be bothered really, as long as the kids got in on time… that was all that mattered... Pretty much my thing haha…

A few times straight out of bed I’d remember I didn’t have any milk or something I considered ‘urgent’ and would grab my car keys and be out the door. Yes, that’ll be perfect if I went to bed the night before looking like a Gucci model lol.

Friends and family were on my neck to stop this ‘bad habit’, but I wasn’t having any of it. Until one day, I saw the light… One thing to note, these trips were fast and I mean in and out in minutes. No long queue, just pick your item, scan, and bobs your uncle… It worked perfectly as no one would notice my outfits right? But not quite so on this particular day… I had assumed it’ll be the same as before… Fast and stress-free… How wrong was I… There was a mad queue, the self-checkout wasn’t working, and there was me standing there with no bra, food-stained top, holding a loaf of bread and milk…

Let’s just say from that day onward, I never left home not looking like something out of a fashion catalogue haha...

smart

Soon

img_20190315_0027231953269930402883697.jpg

…sitting by my bedside, staring at the soft glow from the lamp as I listen to some slow music in the background… It’s past 9 at night and it feels soothing just sitting here by myself, doing nothing but counting my many blessings and not the few dreams I’m yet to step into…

He’s in the other room… Watching tv, entertaining his evening guests, keeping himself occupied somehow… A few times I thought to join him… probably some form of guilt for not ‘being there’ each time he came home, not spending time together watching those silly programs on tv… Or just having a simple conversation… like talking about how his day went… Never did he ask how my day was… Hmmm. Deep… I walk quietly back to bed… door firmly shut behind me and hit another playlist… and pill.

Not long after, I hear the microwave go off… Seems he’ll have a full tummy tonight. How I love the smell of food… Yes, but not the cigarettes, nor her scent on my favorite seat… ‘I promise… It’ll all end soon…’ Well, it never did… “You knew how I was when we met, this is my life… You have your options, choose”. Wow! I didn’t see that coming…

My tummy growls as I snap out of it… reminding me I can’t keep skipping meals… But he’ll be in bed soon, just need to hold on till then. An apple would do… something quick… Don’t want him waking up cos then he’ll make so much noise in the morning… Deliberate? maybe. I do believe he sometimes forgets I’m asleep… Or even there… Soon it won’t matter anymore…

I should go to bed now… All my bags, boxes are packed… Such joy fills my heart. Beauty sleep please make me pretty when I awake… it’s a day closer till dad takes me to a good place.