For a very long time, I didn’t particularly desire to get ‘tied’ in a relationship. Yes, I used the word ‘tied’ because some relationships make you feel stuck and can’t get out or do anything but be miserable. Almost claustrophobic. You know, the ones that leave you more damaged when it’s over than before you ever thought of giving your heart to another.
There were days I thought to myself ‘Why the heck did you bother with that guy? Really?’. The truth is, I was much happier single than in a relationship that- 1) wasn’t going anywhere 2) was more of ticking a box to fit in with the crowd of ‘plus one’. The ‘meet my boyfriend/I’m seeing someone’ clique. Smh… The worst were the dinner/party invites to family functions where you dread going alone because everyone seems to think you need some kind of divine intervention because you can’t seem to pin some nice responsible fellow down. *rolls eyes*. Some think there’s something wrong, like… can you be happy all by yourself? Yes, Aunt Clara… I’m probably happier than you’ve ever been in your 20+ years of marriage lol. That’s not to say there aren’t happy unions out there… No, far from it. I ‘see’ some fantastic couples and they seem to be the best of friends. I think that’s one of the key elements of a ‘right’ relationship. I am no therapist, don’t get me wrong but with time you get to notice these things. Happy boy meets sweet girl doesn’t mean they don’t throw dishes at each other behind those pretty fences hahaha. We never know what happens behind closed doors these days right? Everyone seems to show the perfect picture of bliss.
For years it plagued me because I never seemed to find my prince charming. A few times… no, scratch that… many times I thought I was the problem. That there was something wrong with me that made them all vanish or just attract the ‘wrong’ type. I’m sure you get me? lol. My intentions were good… Well, I would like to believe so… but the method was wrong. My mindset of what I thought a relationship should be or look like was based on what others painted for me. Yes, there is wisdom in learning from people’s experiences and taking advice from those who have ‘gone ahead’ but sometimes the path is yours and yours alone. Nobody knows you like you do… the little things that turn you off, the deal-breakers, and all the awesome things that make you special… So letting someone else choose or decide who or what you should look out for in a partner might be a bit too much power to hand over. Also, I think as the years go by… life experiences, and my relationship with God has changed the way I view it all now.
You’re probably thinking “Where is this going”? Ok, I’m ranting- or should I say “thinking out loud” because it’s autumn hahaha. It’s a time I feel ‘love in the air’… the perfect time for romance. The lovely colours of autumn, the fallen leaves, the jackets, scarves, pumpkin in everything lol… (from cakes to lattes to pretty much anything edible- I see you Starbucks). The cold wind on your face, someone to walk through the park with, see the Christmas markets, and just be loved. I desire all this but now it’s not just for autumn, but for a lifetime.. (sounds scary, but we have to take the plunge someday right?) So why not be picky and find someone who speaks my ‘language’, understands (or tries to) the quirky ways I think and my adventurous life, a partner who isn’t perfect but perfect for me. You know how you go into a dealership or shoe store and then spot the ‘one’ and you just know. You can’t explain it, you just know. Well, it’s more frequent with objects than humans I realized hahaha. I have imagined so many scenarios of how it will happen… How we would meet- blame it on growing up watching Disney cartoons (I still sing along when I happen to catch them on TV ‘…She doesn’t discover that it’s him till chapter threeeeeee’-Beauty and the Beast in case you’re wondering hahaha), Pretty Woman, You’ve got mail, The Notebook… I could go on and on but you get the drift. I have never denied it… I am a hopeful romantic… I just never read all those mushy romance novels… thank God *side eyes* or else I would be a hot mess I tell you.
Whenever it happens (fingers crossed it’s pretty soon, cos this girl needs some love haha), I hope it would be as magical as I dreamed… if not, well, we can always make new memories right? *throws confetti*