Time to leave….

It happened as I sat on the hairdresser’s chair… No, it happened that morning as soon as I woke up. I knew my time was up in this town… I had fulfilled the purpose and it was time for my next adventure… Would it be goodbye… Or just ‘see you soon’… Only time would tell… Sit back… Let’s go back in time. I’ll tell you a story… 

A few years back I had a sudden urge, almost heart wrenching long for my country… The family I left behind, the food, the music and their peculiar way of life… You know, the very little things that made my childhood unforgettable. For many months, most or all my conversations somehow linked back to a fond memory or the other. My guess was the universe was telling me it’s time to visit… to spend time and immerse myself in the things my heart longed for…

So got my ticket and called home… At first, they didn’t understand but it didn’t matter. My mind was already made up… The flight back was scary yet exciting. I was finally going to have my heart’s desire. It had been a dream for a long time. I was home,  I was happy… But it didn’t last long…

Fast forward to a day at the hairdresser… I stared out of the window… and in a flash, I got a nostalgic feeling of a country I had visited almost a year before. I miss travelling… My wings are ready to soar again… for My hearts not in this place anymore…

Excitement floods my soul as I count down to my flight to base… My escape. Who would have thought I’d be this excited to return to a place I once felt trapped… Guess sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder…

Hello London…this girl missed you loads… Thanks for loving her back… 

And then it begins… the cycle repeats… But this time it’s not for a country far away… But a new desk… A new team. For I feel in my heart… It’s time to leave… 

Rescue…

God took Abram out of his tent… Outside of his constraints, limitations and set mindset. Yes, God had a bigger plan… And future for this great man of faith, but Abram had to leave his tent… To step out.

The moment he did, God told him to look at the sky above… The many stars. At that moment, God finally got through to him…. Yes, from exalted father to a father of many…

I’ll tell you a story, my own ‘out of the tent’ moment…

The fire alarm went off in my building… This had become some sort of false emergency trend… The boy who cried wolf comes to mind… I hope they fix this soon… Anyways, the alarm kept going and as usual most of us thought they were testing it or another false alarm. But it didn’t stop… So from my emergency training, I followed the protocol and matched to the assembly point by the car park…

Within minutes, the fire brigade was here. Two trucks in fact and I couldn’t help myself… I was so proud of that moment at how efficient this service is… I started thanking God for them… Praying for them, their families and the government too… They are doing something right so why not thank them… Say a prayer for them for the good to continue… Then He spoke to me…

If the people of this world can create a system that sends a signal and within minutes help arrives… How much more God, the creator of these men when we send a signal to Him… Within seconds, no less than a second he sends thousands and thousands of angels to help, rescue and save us… Mind blown… Yes, my out of tent moment shifted something in me that night… Something happened… Something changed…

I realised the rescue plan of my eternal father.

I met a boy…

I met a boy…

I knew him before… When I was young, adventurous and ‘foolish’…

He had a mind of someone twice his age…

Or that’s how I could explain his desire for me

He was blinded to my baggage… Or maybe he was not..

He longed for my touch… My embrace and wet kisses…

I thought he was cute… Tall and handsome…

A keeper but not for ‘right’ now…

I excited him and only he knew why…

His friends made fun of him…

They couldn’t understand why many roads he crossed… Just to be with me…

Only he could see the jewel where they saw dirt…

He cherished the diamond in the rough…

I knew he was special but didn’t know how much…

I felt I wasn’t good enough… The lie I believed…

My ‘fun’ life didn’t match his… Or so I concluded…

And so to the ‘bad boys’ I went… Throwing my pearls before swine…

And then he stopped looking for me… Stopped wanting me… It all stopped…

At first, it didn’t matter…

But soon enough I realised my knight in shining armour wasn’t a dime a dozen…

The years passed and I wished to find another so pure…

I encountered the clowns, magicians and oh the tax collectors…

Then on to the scene, he popped again… As sweet as could be…

Making me blush like it was our first date…

But now… He’s about to get married…

I wish she knew how special he was… Is…

I let him go… Released him reluctantly… And life continued….

But then I met him last night… I held him so tight and it all felt so right...

I was back in his arms where I belonged… Even if it was only in my dreams…

I barely slept… The pain in my head just wouldn’t stop… It took a while to get some calm… I kept fighting the urge to replay every single moment back… You know, those moments where you think of a million things you should have said… Or not said. That was last night…

The sun came out today thankfully… That ray of hope I so desperately clung to… That somehow it will all fall into place… Work in my favour… I was sure I heard him right… Or maybe I thought I did… Or was it like mother Eve back in the day when that slimy serpent asked a simple but deadly question…. “Did He really say not to eat …” I found myself asking the same question… Did he really say this was the one for me?

To be honest I was 60% sure this wasn’t for me… Yes, it was a dream… A childhood fantasy I ‘always’ wanted… I was so sure of it I even convinced everyone else it was the only thing for me. But two days into test running cleared the roses from my spectacles… Still on the fence, I thought to give it a try, after all he ‘said’ go North… So I did… I agreed to go for it…

‘I’ll just go straight to the point..’ Surprisingly I was calm through it… Feedback was good but the mistakes were obvious to both of us… and probably everyone else present in the room… I wasn’t prepared enough for it. I didn’t go deep enough… Give them what they needed to hear… But now I had all this info… They wanted me to try again soon…

But in the end, I had to let them know… This isn’t for me. It was a win-win… I knew for sure my home was somewhere else… And now I’m back in His courts waiting to hear what next as I remember the lessons learnt… To never trust or boast in me… And to believe it’s all going to work together for my good…

Photo by Rodolpho Zanardo on Pexels.com

The future is bright… Like the sunflower, I’ll always keep my face to the sun…

I tried my best…

I read the email… I thought I had it in the bag. The resources were supplied… I read them over and over again… It almost became like a nursery rhyme in my head… In my mind, I could see past the finish line… Yes, me holding that trophy standing on the podium…

Reality hit different… Oh, so very different. The days leading up to it were unbearable… So many anxiety attacks… I couldn’t understand why and where these came from… Why am I so restless, heavy and out of breath? I’ve crossed the t’s and dotted the I’s like they say…. But just to be safe… I’ll browse online for more research… Now I think I stand a good chance…

‘D’ day and I’m singing a victory tune in my head… Why? Because I believed I would smash it. “Good afternoon… ” I could hear myself pause ever so often… The glass of water trick didn’t seem to work… Instead, it made me look like I was leaking lol… It wasn’t going as planned… Where did they get all these strange questions from? Was I in the wrong room with the wrong people? I mumbled some more… Something in me felt I disappointed quite a few people… Those who believed in me enough to give me a slot… Those who tried not to cringe through the session… And myself…

Never again would I boast in myself… Believing I got it all… Today I was humbled… Yes, thrown back to reality with a loud thud! My confidence should never be in my ability but in the one who gives the stability…

Either way, I get a response… And either way, I learnt a lesson today. I have a lot to learn…